Things You Have Learned About Yourself While In The Fashion This Year
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Dear Diary,
Reflecting on 2017 won’t be a very uplifting experience...
[pause for dramatic effect]
Don't get me wrong - I loved it and it made me feel great!
[most dress cuts and themes are are too youthful looking on me,
or they are simply too short and small.
the silhouette is too wide and fussy for my lifestyle,
and it’s either a hot wig or my undercut.]
The parts I DO like are not what typically exemplify the lolita aesthetic, at least not all of it, and in some cases, are not considered lolita at all.
[elegance and gravitas (with a specific emphasis on being less cute),
dark colors,
low/no-poof,
brand mini skirts,
casual and a la mode,
floor/tea-length and sack dresses,
ouji and aristocrat.]
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| I pretty much wore all black this year, and hardly any petticoats at all. Only two of these have the traditional lolita silhouette, and both are a-line. Not a cupcake in sight. |
This leaves me feeling like I’m clinging to a label I barely fit anymore. Which is stressful, because in a niche fashion that must already defend its reputation against misrepresentation, members will understandably call out anything that is too far off the mark.
But I also seriously struggle with walking away from the very keyword for the community and knowledge base that helped me define the style that I love, even if that style is only based on the fringes of lolita.
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| [Oh don't mind me, just sittin' here, unloading my existential fashion crisis on internet strangers...] |
It’s a more accurate descriptor, and more useful, than any other “sister” or “graduating” fashion tag for the merchandise, content, and events that I know I will love.
And yet... I wish I knew what this was called, this almost-lolita feeling...
The most important thing I have learned about myself this year is that I don't really know if I belong here anymore.
Like I only exist on the outskirts of this fashion, and yet also nowhere else...
...trapped in the Tea-length Zone.
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| Fin. |
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Wow, that got dark fast... I'm not sure I like exercises in self reflection.
Okay, well, see you next time!
Okay, well, see you next time!
Check out the others who participated in this Lolita Blog Carnival topic:
Tomoyo's Secret Garden
The Bloody Tea Party
Poppy Noir
Cupcake Kamisama
What you wrote about is incredibly important to voice and talk about and I'm sure that there are many people in a similar position to yourself. Of course, all of us who started out in this fashion did so because we love it, but it is only human to grow and to change - which may involve departing from the strict label and definition of the fashion that was once 100% us. And yet the fond memories and the feeling of belonging to something bigger that makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside prevents that growth from fully realising itself. It's easy to say "ditch the label, do what makes you happy", but it's far more difficult to do because it's not just a label, it's a whole chunk of our lives that became dear to us. So I'd suggest that, as hard as it may be, you take your time to figure it out and find ways of getting rid of the pressure. Don't worry about what the Internet or the wider community may say and focus on what makes you feel good and what those close to you feel (whether they are Lolita or not). Eventually you will either figure out what is that word that you could apply to your current style that wouldn't involve burning any bridges linking you to your Lolita times or you will come to terms with leaving the term 'Lolita' altogether whilst keeping all the good memories to yourself. Ultimately, it's just fashion and clothes and while they may be extremely important to some, even be an inseparable part of one's identity, this doesn't have to be like this for everyone - and that's perfecly ok. Things will fall into place when they're meant to, I'm sure of it.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of virtual love and support!
Thank you so much!! <3 It helps a lot to be able to express this to folks who actually get where I'm coming from, and my friends will always be up for tea, no matter what style we find ourselves in, so hopefully I get myself sorted out soon.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an importend post you made, there are many others in this fashion who struggle with the same feeling of not fitting in anymore and feel lost at the same time. Even one of my closest friends is in this spot right now but this doesn't change a thing on how I see her and what the friendship means to me. We started all in this fashion cause we loved it so much, a lot of us will grow out of it sooner or later. But to me your style fits just perfect with you, I really like the longer dresses on you and it's still j-fashion to me. It fells a bit like the current gothic lolita, not the big fluffy petticoats, longer dresses and you hit the feeling of your coords really well with it.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will find some peace with the feeling you have right now cause no one needs to feel lost with their own style.
Thank you!! It definitely makes me feel a lot more like myself. I mean, it’s kinda like I went from Cinderella to Megara, haha, but it feels right. I’m glad it’s still within the realm of j-fashion too, with a lot of the same color schemes and brands my lolita friends wear - it makes me feel a lot less out of place while I’m figuring things out.
DeleteThis entry was such an interesting one to read and I want to thank you for sharing such personal feelings! As others said, it is a feeling that is sometimes very hard to pinpoint and to talk about too! I think that you shouldn't feel guilty of not liking a style as much anymore, people changes and tastes too! It would be a shame to try to fit in within the Lolita aesthetics if it doesn't bring you joy or make you happy anymore. I hope that you can still pursue a style you like and that makes you confident! Best of luck for the next year! ^w^
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading it! I think you're right. One thing that still makes me feel a little guilty though, is the thought of possibly going to official lolita events (especially those with limited seating) - I might leave those opportunities for others who won’t be skipping petticoats, or perhaps go as a +1 in ouji or aristocrat, but otherwise I’m going to try to embrace this new style without worrying too much. :)
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